Link To Original Article: The New York Times
By BENEDICT CAREY Published: August 6, 2011 LEE’S SUMMIT, Mo. — The job was gone, the gun was loaded, and a voice was saying, “You’re a waste, give up now, do it now.” It was a command, not a suggestion, and what mattered at that moment — a winter evening in 2000 — was not where the voice was coming from, but how assured it was, how persuasive. Losing his first decent job ever seemed like too much for Joe Holt to live with. It was time. “All I remember then is a knock on the bedroom door and my wife, Patsy, she sits down on the bed and hugs me, and I’m holding the gun in my left hand, down here, out of sight,” said Mr. Holt, 50, a computer consultant and entrepreneur who has a diagnosis of schizophrenia. “She says, ‘Joe, I know you feel like quitting, but what if tomorrow is the day you get what you want?’ And walks out. I sat there staring at that gun for an hour at least, and finally decided — never again. It can never be an option. Patsy deserves for me to be trying.” In recent years, researchers have begun talking aboutmental health care in the same way addiction specialists speak of recovery — the lifelong journey of self-treatment and discipline that guides substance abuse programs. The idea remains controversial: managing a severe mental illness is more complicated than simply avoiding certain behaviors. new balance Homme pas cher The journey has more mazes, fewer road signs. Yet people like Joe Holt are traveling it and succeeding. acheter newbalance en ligne Most rely on some medical help, but each has had to build core skills from the ground up, through trial and repeated error. Now more and more of them are risking exposure to tell their stories publicly. “If you’re going to focus on recovery, you might want to ask those who’ve actually recovered what it is they’re doing,” said Frederick J. Frese III, an associate professor ofpsychiatry at the Northeastern Ohio Universities College of Medicine who has written about his own struggles with schizophrenia. “Certainly, traditional medicine has not worked very well for many of us,” Dr. Frese went on. “That’s why we’ve had to learn so many survival tricks on our own.” First among Mr. Holt’s many resources is his wife, who has been an effective at-home therapist — in part, paradoxically, because she does not consider mental illness an adequate excuse to shirk responsibilities. “When I think of all that happened, I just can’t believe she’s still with me,” said Mr. Holt, who lives near Kansas City, Mo. soldes newbalance chaussures “You have to understand, for so many years I was hearing her say terrible, nasty things that she wasn’t saying.” ‘I Was So Broken’ Lonnie Joseph Holt grew up an orphan. acheter newbalance After his parents split up, his grandmother took in Joe and three older siblings but was soon overwhelmed when her husband died; off the children went to Childhaven, a residential facility in nearby Cullman, Ala., that was sponsored by her church. At least the children would be together. It was Feb. newbalance 2018 20, 1964. Joe was 3. But the staff kept the Holt children apart, records show. The siblings rarely saw one another, much less had a chance to speak. solde newbalance map The eldest, Jack, made repeated attempts to escape, and the second eldest, Susie, made at least one, according to records kept by the home and acquired by Mr. Holt. They had their reasons. “There were regular beatings, sometimes with a board, sometimes with a Ping-Pong paddle, sometimes with a razor strap,” Mr. Holt said. “You had to memorize a portion of the Bible, and if you didn’t, you’d get a beating. Once I got beaten so badly I thought I was going to pass out.” Jack, now a retired Church of Christ minister in Texas, has similar memories. In 1984, a Childhaven staff member pleaded guilty to sodomizing a minor, and another man to beating a child with a paddle. (The staff has long since turned over, and the home instituted safeguards and is now considered a leading provider, said its current executive director, James Wright.) The Holts were gone by then, Joe zigzagging between homes, living for a time in Alabama and with his father in Cleveland before joining his mother, her new husband and stepsiblings in a bungalow apartment in a complex off Highway 71 near Kansas City. It did not last. One summer day Joe’s mother and her husband packed up and moved to Texas — and told the 16-year-old boy that he was not invited. “I honestly don’t remember where Joe lived after that,” said Ted Rogers, a high school friend who is still close. soldes newbalance “He was staying on his own, just, I don’t know — around.